When you repeatedly hurt someone with your words or actions it’s nothing but bullying.

It is deliberately misusing the power verbally\physically or socially intending to harm the person psychologically.

Sometimes it’s between peers\equals (same age group) and sometimes between between people with a significant age gap.

It’s never a single incident but always a repetitive or series of events.

Bullies don’t understand normal social emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion etc.These are the people who actually need help from a mental health professional or counselor.

To me bullies are attention seekers.They might think bullying is a way to get popular.Most bullies are trying to make themselves feel more important and powerful.

Bullies actually are cowards because they only pick people whom they can over power.They pick quieter or shy kids\people.

Bullying starts very young -teenagers get trapped easily as they are already dealing with a lot of physical and emotional changes – How do we teach our kids to empower themselves?

Firstly we need to teach our kids to accept and respect themselves.

Secondly we need to help them get brave to accept the situation.

Thirdly we as parents should stand by them,listen to them carefully keeping our own emotions under check.They need our reassurance and support.

Always emphasize that his\her safety and well-being is of utmost importance.They should always be encouraged to talk to an adult about any problems that come their way.

The better they feel about themselves lesser it affects their self esteem.

Always tell them about their unique qualities that makes them special.

Encouraging healthy relations with them can affect self-esteem, increase their confidence and prevent any potential bullying situations.

When they come and tell you that they have diffused the intentions of the Bully,let them know how proud you are.

This will help them help somebody else tackle a similar situation.

Creating positivity is a chain and we should all keep our eyes and ears open to step up and fight against this serious social issue.

My first born turns 13 today.Its a milestone birthday for both of us.

I sit back today and cherish all my memories with him from the time he was a toddler to this day when he unlocked the level “teenager “😊.

We have had our share of roller coaster in the initial years but we braved it together.

It’s been a pleasure in watching him grow up to be a fine teenager.

I am a proud parent today because I see a compassionate person in him.

I won’t ask him to conquer the world or prove himself.

He can make mistakes,stumble down as it’s all part of growing up.

All I would like to tell him is never give up,it’s ok to pause and revisit.Never let the hunger to learn die out.Whatever he chooses to do in life we will forever be proud of him.

My heart booms with pride when I see him help the needy.Never stop being you.

It comes very naturally to him from a tender age.

He should chase his dreams,keep working hard and we will always be there for him.

We only get to be a teenager once in a lifetime and he should enjoy every moment of this awesome phase.

My heart beats for you son ❤️

Wishing you a very Happy Thirteenth Birthday.Have wonderful day and year ahead.Lots of love.

Living in poverty violates the fundamental right to dignity.

Loss of dignity is a much bigger issue than poverty. Some of the poorest people are the most dignified whereas some of the rich lack the dignity.

When we keep the desire to help – maintaining their dignity should be our first priority.

The help we wish to offer – need not always be direct,it need not be posted on social media and it shouldn’t be done with any expectation in mind.

Like the saying goes,”Your left hand should not know what the right hand is doing”.

Today would want to talk about the Heroes on two-wheelers -our delivery boys who also form part of the front line workers who have been selflessly delivering food and other things to us racing with the clock during this pandemic.

They work for different companies who are tied up with these fast food outlets,restaurants,supermarkets…

Their income is based on the number of rides they do in a day.

When you think of them – you can visualize a man with a phone in one hand, an unstrapped helmet on the other,sweat pouring from the forehead and a heavy backpack full of orders.

In the peak summers it can be very tiring and dehydrating for them.They unfortunately don’t have lunch breaks or rest times in the day.They suffer from lack of rest,food and sleep coping with the different shift timings.Everything is on commission basis for them depending on the deliveries they do in a day.

They are doing it for a living and the least we can do is thank them and offer them some water.

The nature of their job is such that they don’t have off days.

We need to understand deliveries are not always fixed ,during the peak hours they will try to maximize their income by pushing themselves to make as many deliveries as possible.

Some of them flout traffic rules just to be on time. The pressure to make every delivery on time sometimes leads to serious accidents.

In the last few days I witnessed quite a few bike accidents and it has been a very heart breaking and helpless sight.The long working hours and the scorching heat leads to these fatal accidents. These drivers do not have proper health insurance or accident cover. Indeed a very critical condition.

There is not much we can do but atleast treat them as humans,respect them,address them by their name and not look them just as a delivery boy.

Ordering an extra snack or juice along with your order may not pinch your pocket much but it may fill his stomach or quench his thirst.

We all can do our bit in our small way quietly.

How can we forget that they have been our life savers delivering critical items like personal hygiene supplies and groceries during the crisis.

Many of us have some delivery coming in every day.

Let us bring a small change in their lives.

Do share your ideas too.

It’s ok to not be ok.

There is no straight road to happiness we need to create them.

We only talk about healthy choices for our physical body.For our mind to be healthy we need to make some healthy and wise choices too.

Unfortunately mental health is one of the most neglected areas.

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are “me too”.When you learn that somebody else you know has gone through a similar road and braved it,that’s a motivation.

We can’t have everything ,so -when your mind is on auto pilot mode (and you have no control over it) –

It’s ok to say No.

It’s ok to accept you are tired and push things for later.

It’s ok to take a break.

It’s ok if you want to be left alone.

Ask for help – there is no shame 🤗

When you were small and you needed extra help with academics you did go for extra classes\tutions – was that a shame,just because some did independent studies..

Maybe a silly example but think about it.

The only aim was to do well\pass – same is with your mental health

You need help go for it..

Take professional help -posting your challenges on social media will not help.

Don’t be ashamed of it -fight it because you are not alone -someone somewhere could be in a similar situation – how you braved it can be an inspiration to that person-

Such posts on social media are much needed!

Once you heal – you may still remember the tough phase but it will no longer control you..

A complex topic can only be made simple to understand with choice words and language that’s easily relatable❤️

Share your positive stories you can save some one!

We all make our own choices in life.

Some right and some I won’t say wrong but could have been avoided.

I feel our tolerance level towards our friends’ drops significantly – dealing with their complex needs,pleasing them doesn’t happen anymore.

Mid 20’s and 30’s we had more tolerance – we were over pleasing and over accommodative which also got us into trouble.We also end up attracting wrong people if we are an extrovert or extremely outgoing by nature.

When the friendship is in the initial stage you like the person but then after investing yourself in it you realize it was too early.

As you age you prefer having less number of friends.You only want to invest in friends who have been in your life for a long time.Those relationships also work because we are not into each others’ lives too much.

Offloading some from your life is an important exercise especially before they fully turn into a burden.Some take you for a ride,some drag you into their personal problems and some turn out to be opportunists.

Stop it at the right time.Inner peace is all you want and deserve.

Its not being selfish at all,it’s just self love.It allows us to relax and refresh. While getting older is inevitable we can choose to be wiser in making choices.This should take care of your mental well being.

Dealing with 40 isn’t easy.Age doesn’t remain to be a number for all.

If your mind and body can handle it then nothing can hold you back.

It’s a transition phase and you learn to embrace the changes it comes with.

Today we are lucky as there is both knowledge and technology to guide us sail through smoothly.

Physical health can equally be challenging at this stage.The good metabolism that you once boasted about may just decide to lift its feet up.It doesn’t mean you eat less but you eat better.Care more and also care less – care more about yourself and care less about what people think,shrug off their comments and keep going.

Hope now it’s falling in place 😊.

For some life only begins at 40.They finally taste success and some brave out to follow their passion.

Each one has their own version of midlife.

When you see yourself in the mirror at 40 – you will see how you have evolved from the 20’s to 30’s and got here.

Today you know the world around is not perfect.Its ok to make mistakes big and small.

You also know that your mistakes will not end the world.All these realizations happen because of your past experiences – you know yourself better by now and that’s helps you fix everything.

We learn to say no, to take occasional breaks, and to be honest with others when something isn’t good for us. We learn to put ourselves first.We no longer need frame things to benefit others but instead look at self benefit.

You no more try to fit yourself in a group but look for one that matches you.

You no longer compare yourself with others and you also stop judging others decisions.You took time but finally realized that you don’t have to live the consequences – it’s their decision and they will live it.

Harsh reality at 40 when you see friends lose their parents,siblings.At first it’s a shock then you realize that you’re at that age where this will happen more and more frequently. You realize that if it hasn’t happened yet,it will one day, and probably sooner than you’d like.

Now you know there is no time to waste.Time for bucket lists.

Reconcile any past differences.You stop procrastinating and just want to make things happen.

There are no rules to life,liberate yourself and listen to your heart.

Whatever is left, live your dreams ❤️

You may all have a favorite corner in your home.I have one too.

A cozy,silent corner where I can hear myself.Its a simple corner decorated with things I like.My emotions easily come out there and the silence helps me plan my day and take decisions.It also takes care of my mood and gives me peace.

A single couch with a high back rest takes good care of my lower back.

Newspaper stand and a bark wood table with my piping hot fresh ginger tea.That’s all it takes to fuel me up for the entire day.

Can’t miss mentioning about my indoor green plants which surround that space adding to the beauty of my corner.Plant lovers would agree that a plant filled home is a happy home.

I would say don’t ignore the corners of your living room\bedroom,a simple decor,a mild accessory or putting your knick knacks to the best use can convert the ignored corner to a cosy place which would complement the entire room.

Do not use the corners only to create storage spaces let it also become a space to store your happiness and your vent.A vertical bookshelf and some cosy cushions over those storage spaces will be perfect for your “me times”.Slow and soothing music played in the background sets the mood.

Size is not important but that space is essential in order to feel calm and relaxed.

We all need a place where we can be true to self,without putting up faces and cutting out fully from the maddening world. A place that allows you to relax and rejuvenate,calms your hassled nerves after a stressful day.

A place where you can start your day and also retire.A safe and secret corner with no interruptions.

Writing this from my favorite corner where I choose to start and retire each day – a place of solace and solitude.

It’s said that you will always find your happiness just around the corner.So the trick is to figure out which is your right corner.

07/09/1999 💔

Today is my father’s 22nd death anniversary.He was 50 years old when he departed.No ailments at all.Left behind a 42 year old wife (today this age gives me goose bumps) and two children.

Year after year I have remembered him more and missed him even more.

Coincidentally it’s the same day of the week this year,Tuesday.

Many of you have been reading my messages every year and have been sending me hugs and strength from around the world.

It’s become more like a virtual Remembrance Day.

My writings on him is my way of celebrating his life.

He gave me the most priceless gift one could give ,”the trust in me”.

“Father” to me means love, respect, care, home,trust,support,sacrifices and much more. Only those who have a lost a parent will understand the real pain so keep calling them when you can.

We have never celebrated Father’s Day in my young years so never got to celebrate one with him.Now when I see people around calling their fathers or sending messages its painful and feels as if someone just punched me in my stomach.

My mobile has never saved his number.I don’t know how it feels when it rings as “Papa calling”.So no digital pictures or videos for me.I remember his voice clearly,still hear him call me sometimes,especially the days when I am messed up and need his advice.

That has been the cornerstone of our relationship.

When I see my friends or cousins talk to their fathers – have to admit,I get jealous at times.I just isolate myself to our world where we have the same conversations and start imagining his replies.

In the growing up years it’s normal to have disagreements with parents which sometimes convert to arguments.Now being a parent myself I realize that most times the stand I take matches with my fathers’.

It took me to become a parent to understand him better.

Papa,wish you stayed back and saw me graduate and grow

Wish you mentored me when I began working

Wish you stayed back,got me married and met my husband

Wish you saw my son who shares the sun sign with you

Wish you saw my daughter who is the reflection of my childhood

I miss you more now because you would have been the best grand parent they could ask for.If you were physically around, my children would not have missed out on so much that they are missing today.

You haven’t seen your grand children but they know you.They know that you are alive in my heart.

“They love you”.

You come naturally in their conversations (thatha- that’s how they address you).

That’s where I feel proud of myself -I have defeated the death and kept you alive.When we are having family conversations one can never make out that you are physically absent from our lives and kids haven’t ever met you.

Remembering you today is a great agony and this feeling just can’t be described in words.It opens up old wounds and rekindles memories.

We only lost you physically when you were cruelly taken away by a power we couldn’t fight.

Instead of getting caught in a whirlwind,I decided to hold myself and take charge of celebrating your life with my near and dear family\friends.

On this day when I lost you- I lost a father, a friend and an idol who I looked up to.Wish we knew the end was nearing, would have given you a memorable farewell.There was so much to ask you and tell you.You left us without uttering a word 😔.There were no Goodbyes.

Life can be a traitor!

Thankyou for all the memories we created together.

There is no manual to follow or a normal way to react to this.Each one has his own way to remember.

I promise to keep you alive in me till eternity.

Miss being with my mom today.Wish I could travel home and give her a tight hug🤗

Manoj and I had some work today morning so we had stepped out.Friday being a holiday in this part of the world,kids were at home lazing.

It was a good 90 min drive.After having our normal conversation there was a long pause.Our conversations are generally related to our kids.

Like most of you know that I have a good,photographic memory and I fairly remember the minutest details about my childhood and growing up years.

I ended the pause by asking him if he remembered anything interesting about his childhood with his dad and he just took off from there.

Now you know how I get my topics 😉

For we Indians who are now in our 40’s would remember that in our growing up years two wheelers were no less than owning a luxury car.

Bajaj Super the two stroke 150cc was a prized possession then.Owning one was like having unsaid family member.It was sturdy and reliable.That was their first family possession.

In few years they upgraded themselves to Bajaj Chetak indeed a family scooter literally meant for the “hum do humare do” kind of a family. Robust vehicle with a perfect balance.If you owned one those days it was a sign of pride.Going down the memory lane and reliving the unforgettable journeys with Chetak.

Chetak was a big craze those times and also had a waiting period for purchase.

It was named after the famous horse of Maharana Pratap and truly made the rider feel the pride of a king while battling the daily struggles of life.

He told me how he progressed slowly from sitting behind to standing in the front.At first when he was a toddler he sat on his mother’s lap while his father rode the scooter.Then when he grew a little big he sat between his parents ,literally squeezed between them.Later when his younger sister made her debut it was a musical chair once again.She took the mother’s lap and there was no space for him in the middle and he got his final upgrade of standing in the front between his fathers knees.

I am sure you can visualize the enduring picture of an Indian middle class family.

How can one forget the most iconic jingle “Hamara Bajaj” though it’s now off air -“Buland Bharat ki buland tasveer'” (A strong India’s,strong picture).

Those days for a middle class,four wheelers were decidedly unaffordable and hence these scooters ruled.

Whether it was about taking short trips to the local vegetable vendors or a young couple going for a romantic spin, this scooter had seen it all.

This is one memory we all surely carry -if it ever ran out of fuel, all you had to do was put it on a stand, tilt it and then restart ,one of the best Indian jugaads (tricks).

Another interesting thing in those days was that marriages got postponed if there was a delay in the delivery of Chetak ,a standard “dowry”.

This was all we could recollect in the time we had 😊.

Bajaj Chetak is immortalized in our memories!

I am a wife,a homemaker and it’s my choice. My husband didn’t ask me to take this decision.Some circumstances lead you to make tough calls in life.Its never easy to leave a flourishing career.

We didn’t know at start,how things would progress and how long it would take.All we knew was we were in this together. Between us nothing has changed till date.The mutual respect has only grown with time.

That’s about us.

But thats not how the people around perceive a homemaker.Their opinions don’t affect me because my reason is bigger but at the same time cannot be ignored.Not all home makers are fortunate like me and hence somebody has to do the talking.

So here it is –

I don’t mind doing things for him because he does so much for me.We are a team and are interdependent on each other.We don’t discuss who did more work at the end of the day but we discuss how was our day.We share the key things, challenges and give tips to each other.We instill the same values in our kids.Our kids know their parents have a defined role to play and they respect us equally.

Friends -Acquaintances,their normal reaction to the term “Home maker” is most times very disrespectful and taunting.

A homemaker also wakes up early in the morning to ensure the comfort of all her family members.She then does all the chores silently without demanding any kind of credits.Remember one thing she does not have a salary to look forward to or any kind of perk.Whatever she does is out of pure love and care.

Working all seven days a week with no holiday and no salary is not easy. After all the hard work and back breaking efforts, what she gets to hear is, “Oh, you are just a homemaker, you sit at home the whole day with no work to do”.

We buy weekly groceries,make breakfasts,pack tiffins,drop kids to school come back to clean,cook,laundry,monitor budgets,pick the kids,teach,nurse when a member is unwell,manage the running about for extra curricular activities,return home,rush to get the dinner ready,clean again,prepare for next morning.We make the house a home.It takes a lot to keep a household running smoothly, and a homemaker is often charged with running everyday errands.There is lot of work if you have actually witnessed one true one who diligently takes care of the minutest need.There are no tea breaks for them.Its a monotonous job so one needs to keep up the spirits to do the same things day in and out.

Likewise working women are also hardworking,those who actually work.It works the same way either ways.There can be a hardworking home maker and a lazy working woman and a lazy home maker and a hardworking working woman.Depends on whom you have come across.Hence,it’s not right to generalize.

The ones who have criticized are also present here and also the ones on the receiving end.

Yes you are right,we don’t make a monetary contribution to the family.

Does that make us less worthy than you? Financial independence is important but isn’t it more important to respect a person’s choice?

If you find us so lucky why don’t you make a decision and become lucky.What’s the fear?

Why should we face so much criticism ?

Why do you call us ambition-less?

Who really gave you the right to look down on somebody else’s choices and assign a value to them?

I have been on both sides -A working woman and a home maker.I never judged or valued a person on what she got home.

I have respected my mother,grandmothers,mother-in-law for being amazing home makers.They have infact brought up their children with great values(my father and my husband are great examples).

They were all educated and they never thought of encashing their education for a paid job.A choice they made.

Should we respect them less for that? Should we use the term jobless?

It’s not only about me but all those women who have taken bold steps either to stay home and nurture their family or step out and work for their family.

Both are not an easy choice.

People judge others only when they are not happy with themselves.

Next time before you comment on someone do a selfcheck.🧿

(I am only a voice here)

You may be a 40 year old son\daughter,15 years of marriage making that your marriage age and a 10 year old parent.

As a child you would have established yourself,as a spouse you will graduate soon and as a parent you are still coping.That clearly defines our experience in those roles.

Hope that split makes you feel a little better about yourself.

We choose to behave or react according to the relationship.

Sometimes filling the role or fitting ourselves in that role can be as a challenging as a live stage performance.Some transition themselves beautifully from one role to the other.Its practically not possible to create a new version of yourself everyday to fit to these different roles.Switch on -switch off is not meant for all.One performs his role depending on the value the other person assigns to him.

When roles get confused with identity the responsibility and intensity that comes in with it can affect a person.

Our identity determines our roles, not the other way around.

When expectations go high – we do get this feeling,wish we were four of us to handle these different roles\expectations.

Well this is only home what about being a boss,co-worker,colleague,subordinate it all comes with its own level of challenge.

Letting go of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and setting more boundaries can go a long way to improve your health and wellbeing.

Accept yourself and also accept what you can handle.Respect your limits.

Don’t forget about the most important role you play in life – being yourself.