Sometimes you set these boundaries for yourself and sometimes the people around\society sets it for you.
Some of these boxes are familiar – girl\employee\mother\outspoken\incompetent\housewife\retired\short-tempered\physical appearance\gay can be many more.
These descriptions would create a set image in your mind.You may relate to yourself or somebody you know well with one or more of these traits.It can either have a positive or a negative impact on your mind.
We humans are quick in placing people in such boxes and labeling them.
Like we have a box for others they would have one or more for us.It can be suffocating for us once we find out what people think about us.
If you feel you don’t fit there or don’t deserve to be there and it’s making you uncomfortable-first take control of the box and then shape it as per your desire.
Expand your thoughts\box and you will see there is life beyond that.Only when you step out you will notice there are directions printed outside the box and those would lead you to a better life or help you move on.To navigate on your life’s GPS getting out of the box is the key.
Do it for yourself and not to please others.What you do does not require anyone’s consent.
Do not box yourself.If you get boxed by somebody else’s thought just be true to yourself.If it’s right accept it and be happy.People around are just waiting with boxes ,kick the wrong one and hold your head high out of the right one.A confined identity is a miserable way to live.
Before you make a decision of living in the box forever,”PAUSE”.
Confront yourself and ask ,” Do these people matter to me more than myself”.
If not this box ,the society will find another box for you.
So first accept yourself,acknowledge your reality then be true to self and you would never need anybody’s approval to live.
When we are self-accepting we are able to embrace all facets of ourselves.
Love yourself -Strive to be original not perfect ❤️
Second try to understand if the opposite party deserves to be explained for his\her ignorance or just needs to be made quiet.
If the relationship is important then it’s sometimes fine to lose the argument.Your instincts can be the yardstick.Calculate the downside risks before getting into it.
Fighting too many battles at the same time can lead you to a mental,physical and emotional drain.People around you will inevitably suffer.So it’s important to take a stand.
There is no need to react to every opinion, every comment and every situation.
Choose wisely whether to pick it,push it for another day or just kick it and move on.
Do not pick a battle for someone else just because the person is timid.Let people fight for themselves as we all have enough to deal with.
If your instinct says you should pick it irrespective of the consequences,just go for it.In the bargain you may lose some people but at the end you will be able face yourself in the front of mirror without an iota of regret.
Whatever decision one takes he\she needs to remember that it cannot be on the basis of how many people would stand by him\her but will your conscience support it.
We all need to live with ourselves more than anybody else.
If it keeps reoccurring with the same set of people affecting your mental health then the treatment is keep the toxic away.They may come disguised as family or friends treatment still remains the same.
Do not let them in,it’s like keeping trash that cannot be recycled.
You will agree with me that each generation of students will have a distinct way to remember their school years.
There is nothing that could really match the excitement of stocking up on quirky stationery supplies because that’s the only thing we could flaunt to our classmates back then!
My generation that’s the mid 80’s-90’s were obsessed with these stationery items –
1.If you owned a multi purpose pencil box with multiple functions then you have the pencil case of your dreams.
2.The single multi colour pens.Why bother to have four separate pens when one could do?
3.Using ink pens – especially the hero pens with the logo just above the nib.Prized possession.
4.Push-up pencils – you can’t afford losing the tiny lead inside the white plastic.Biggest fear then😊
5.The slim lead pencils for which you bought the lead separately.The most irritating part being the breaking of the lead while inserting it into the pencil.Who makes such leads which cannot even handle the tiniest of pressure??
6.The Camel\Helix-Oxford geometry box.I need to confess here “I have till date never used the set squares”.
7.Full utilization of the resources ,something we learnt very young-sharpening the pencil on both sides,using one note book for multiple subjects by just folding pages in a triangle shape to divide the book (looked more like a samosa with a line in the middle).
8.Selecting the name labels with your favorite characters and not to forget the stickers that go along to enhance the beauty of the cover.
What an irony – Today’s kids barely have books to carry and are offered lockers in school on the other hand we had bags heavier than our BMI and it never got addressed.
School reopens for my kids soon and all their excitement and shopping has rekindled some of my old memories.
If I had the chance to go back in time,I want to relive my childhood and growing up years with you creating more memories.
I am lucky to have been blessed with a friend as wonderful as you.Every year on your birthday, I get reminded of how much you mean to me.
Today on your birthday I just want to thank God for sending you into this world just before I made my debut 😊.This makes me confidently smile and say that you have been always there for me.
Your birthday reminds me of our celebrations together and how anxiously I used to wait to be the first to wish you.
I may have not been a good friend in the last couple of years.I have not been in touch often but not a single day has passed by when I have not thought about you.I seek comfort in the fact that our friendship is so beautiful that even if we spoke after a while it would just be like we spoke yesterday.
Our childhood is very close to my heart and unforgettable only because of you.Friends like you come once in a lifetime.Many around have seen our friendship blossom and will vouch for it.
Promise you one thing I won’t let you down and will be there for you till eternity.
“Try me,Test me and when you turn around you will find me”.
Today,I wish you love, hope and everlasting joy and happiness.
Grandmothers are generally responsible to hold the whole family together in one thread.
I am the eldest of her 5 grandchildren.
My paati (mom’s mom) whom I fondly called paapi instead of paati as I couldn’t say “ta” as a baby.
Its strange but all my cousins and friends also called her paapi 😊.
Words can’t describe how deep her absence is felt.
She was an avid reader and also had an elephants memory.She would patiently sit down and note down recipes from the magazines.
She has been responsible for our happiest childhood memories.Have never heard her say “I am tired”,even once.She was always on her toes to make the best of snacks and coffee for all who came home.
Nobody leaves her house without having her famous filter coffee.Kitchen was never closed like we have it with our generation-it’s weekend and kitchen is closed.
That generation was different how much ever we try we cant match their energy.
I was lucky enough to learn a lot of our delicacies from her.Every Mumbai visit I would nag her to teach me something new.She was also very good with home remedies for kids.
Our generation and the next were lucky to have the home made baby food prepared by her 😊.
Sambar powder,Dosa powder,Pickles and traditional fryums (karuvadam) were all patiently made yearly and packed for us to carry.
Every Mumbai visit was like Diwali for us – all savouries and sweets would be prepared before we reached.She never wanted us to miss on anything.She also knew very well about all our favorite dishes.
She makes the best rava ladoo,besan ladoo,mysore pak,kalakand (tertipaal)..all sweets 😊.. how can I miss mentioning her chole bature 😊.Her baturas (fluffy,deep fried Indian bread) were a hit always.
Our paapi has never shown any fuss to try any new food or cuisine.She loved Chinese food and maggi.Her favorite was the kulfi (traditional Indian ice cream) from the hand cart guy 😊 near our house (Datta Mandir).
People who were close to her knew that she loved collecting plastic bags and was never happy parting with them or sharing 😬😊.
I still remember the days when I have been unwell she would sit besides me and wait for me to fall asleep.
We did have our share of fun and disagreements but I never thought it would end so soon.She has been a strong pillar of support to us after we lost our father.
My kids fondly call her Big Paati.
Paapi has left us with a heartache no one can heal
but her love leaves a memory no one can steal.
We do find comfort that our lives have been enriched by having shared her love.
A very strong pillar of our family.Mother of six kids.My dad was the second eldest.Kingscircle (Rekhakunj,Mumbai) was their nest for many many years.
An amazing personality – strong,strict,principled,genius cook and the list is just endless.
She never pampered us through words or physically demonstrated her love.She always ensured we got everything we needed especially our favorite dishes prepared by her.
I remember her big pottu (bindi),her diamond nose rings pierced on both nostrils and silver grey hair always neatly tied in a little bun.
One could always feel her positive aura when she was around.
How can I miss mentioning – she was a great cricket fan and would never miss watching a match.Her children and grandchildren have inherited the love for sports from her.
Her six kids – my aunts,uncles and dad have been brought up with so much of principles and discipline.
The siblings together are great fun (Hindi is their medium of communication when they are together).They do have their share of banters and arguments but the inner strength and their bond is unbreakable.
All of them talk the same way,it’s kind of funny at times though we are immune to it by now…most of the sentences would begin with amma (this happens even today)- They were all very close to their mother.
In today’s world we barely get to see this kind of bonding amongst siblings.
My mom takes the pride to say that all the cooking she knows ,she learnt from her mother in law. I have never heard anything negative from her about her inlaws.She is very close to all my aunts and uncles and so are they.My dad passed away 22 years back but nothing ever changed.My uncles and aunts are still very close to us and never make us feel our dads no more.
Hats off to my grandmother’s upbringing,where can we find such relatives these days.
When my grandmother was alive,every weekend we cousins would meet up in my grandparents home,spend the day and sometimes night too.In a one bed room house we have eaten together ,played,slept and created memories for a lifetime.
My kids today aren’t so lucky to meet up with cousins regularly like we used to.Geographical distance does not permit.
Today raising two kids feels like a full time job.
She raised six outstanding kids ,inculcated all the values which are getting passed generation after generation.
This is a story about 3 people who met in school in grade 8 and were together next 3 years of schooling and later on 5 years of college.
Good enough time together isn’t it?
But we never became friends.We did not go beyond Hi and an immediate Bye to follow.
Since we lived in the same neighborhood bumping into each other was a normal affair which continued even after we graduated and went on for a fairly long time but we chose to remain just an acquaintance.
After about more than two decades of knowing each other not beyond names we landed up in place away from home.A small,quiet and warm country where we didn’t know much people.Coming from a place where we had a good social life we found ourselves getting lonely.
Through school social group we found out we were in the same country.It was good to see known names but again who would take the first step to write.
There was a comfort in the mind that somebody you know lived close by.
Our situation was weird we had known each other for years but never attempted to build a bond for our own reasons and now after so many years we had preconceived notions to make the first move.
Couple of months passed by and we continued the silence.My hubby used to travel 5 days a week and was only available in the weekends.Kids were busy in their school and activities.Homesickness had creeped in and that was surely not a trait I wanted to carry so I decided to make the first move.I sent a message to them and to my surprise I received a reply in few minutes.We spoke over the phone for the first time just to realize that we were sailing in the same boat carrying the same fear of rejection.
We decided to meet to soon for brunch.Only one drove so she offered to pick us from our homes which was very kind.
Then came the day,after seeing off the kids to school I quickly wrapped up my morning chores and got ready like an excited school girl going for a play date 😊.
I was the first one to be picked.Tough to believe but when we met there was a flow of emotions.After a warm hug we headed to pick the third one.On the way we spoke without any hesitance or awkwardness.
She was an amazing driver but there was something I discovered that day about her for which we tease her till today.Her amazing memory gosh she just can’t remember anything 🤣.With great difficulty she remembered the name of the place where the 3rd one was waiting.
Unfortunately we couldn’t locate it and I called her up.She read the sign board behind her and I quickly typed on the GPS to reach no where 🤦♀️.I called her up again and with the same level of confidence she read it.Finally I asked her to look around and tell me if there was any landmark or school.Thankfully it was a small country so we could take exits.She told me about a school and to our sheer luck I knew the place as my son went to the same area for his activities.We got there and saw her it was such a relief.We had never given each other such a broad and genuine smile in so many years.
The happiness of finding each other was very overwhelming.
We were still not very good friends so politely I asked her ,”where is the board you were reading out to me?” Sheepishly she pointed out because by then she had realized she was reading something on the opposite side.
That day I discovered something about both of them.Amazing memory and Unbeatable sense of direction.
All this hide and seek had got us late for brunch but we managed to get there before they closed.
One of them loved taking pictures-selfies of us and food.She wanted to put it up on social media and announce about this friendship that took off in a foreign land.She asked me to help with the caption which I happily did.
We didn’t want this brunch to ever end.There was so much to exchange,share and giggle about.People around could have never guessed that it was our first time.
Little did we know that this was the beginning of an epic friendship.In our case transition from just friends to inseparable friends happened in no time.We had actually surprised ourselves kicking it off so well and creating everlasting memories.We shared more than any relationship that pre-existed.
Can never ever trade this friendship for anyone.
We wasted too many years not talking and that’s one regret we carry.
They were both working and I was a home maker but we genuinely made time for each other.Our meetings increased from brunches to breakfast then to lunches.
We decided to meet as family with our spouses.Luckily that clicked – we were happy with the fact our spouses could bear each other as we were just trying to create more avenues to meet.From playing Holi to celebrating each other’s birthday and festivals together had become a ritual.
We have had some amazing and hilarious experiences in our dates.
Yes you read it right our meetings were no less than a date.
Unfortunately today we are once again in 3 different countries.
The amazing bond that we created in such a short while taught us distance doesn’t matter at all.Our hearts are connected (may sound like a cliche).We don’t need to be physically around each other.
Irony of life is such we had a lot of opportunities and time in our growing up years to bond but we were destined to meet overseas 😉.Waiting to meet again in our Homeland soon.Praying for this covid mayhem to come to an end.
In my growing up years I never feared to explore and have done quite a bit of stunts scaring the hell out of my parents.
I used to be a good cyclist and have cycled a lot and far in distance hiding away from my parents.
I enjoyed our family long drives and waited to turn 18 and sit behind the wheels.
Little did I know about this phobia till I started learning to drive.I was taken back the first time I learned that I had a fear for something.I took a break thinking it could just be a temporary phase.
Some traumas of childhood also lead to phobias as some have ever lasting impact on your mind and behavior.
But nothing changed I slowly learnt I had this hidden phobia.I wanted to fight it but I lost.
In so many years this is one fear I haven’t been able to conquer.The thought of sitting behind the wheel and getting out on the road has been the most petrifying thought for years.
Like one cannot learn swimming by reading a book, one also cannot learn driving just by attending driving lessons.My mind could never relax behind the wheel and over the years my fears have hardened more.
My better half has been a very encouraging person but he also finally gave into the fear I had.He never accused me or belittled me for not being able to drive a 4-wheel.He also made me understand that we could not fight all our phobias and it’s ok to not drive.I should just accept it and move on.
Conquering our fears is important but at the same time we must also learn to accept that it is perfectly fine that you cannot conquer them all.
I truly admire the women who drive the 4-wheel confidently and fearlessly.
Many people tell me that because I don’t drive I restrict myself from being independent.
What is independence for you may not be independence to me.Frankly I don’t feel that way – I walk a lot,use public transport-metros.In the bargain I make some friends,observe behavior and get to hear a lot of stories which assist me in my writing.
I have gone through tough times when my children were small – but who doesn’t face challenges .
My husband has never criticized me for not being able to drive instead always stood up for me when friends or relatives made a passing statement – That’s what I call a blessing …
He talks more about what I do and makes me feel worthy enough to stand up for myself.
We are interdependent on each other and function like a team.
So next time let’s discuss do’s more than don’ts.Maybe then you may not feel like having this conversation again.Its always easy to embarrass people .
I have quite a few friends like me who face these questions often,all I want to say is “Not being behind the wheel doesn’t make you less competent”.
When you can have cooks for cooking and other helpers for other tasks having driver is no big deal …
Most important thing , it’s our personal choice so suggest only when asked.
The sports ecosystem in India is of poor quality inspite of measures taken by the government.Lack of sponsors,no world class infrastructure and government apathy results in poor performance of our Athletes in the international events.
Cricket is the most popular sport followed by Tennis and Hockey.Rest are just ignored and considered like a leisure sport.
Sports as a profession is largely condemned. Education is considered a pre-requisite to attain success and gateway to successful careers.
Sports is barely given any importance in schools and occupies a very small part of the school syllabus.Weightage given to education is so high that Physical Education is literally squeezed in the school timetable.In the choice given between the Education and Sports the former always wins.Well the choice given is always a formality.
Have you ever thought about this ?
We have long coastlines yet we have no culture of surfing or deep-sea diving. Indian beaches have more people coming there for picnics and sand castles than swimming hence it’s not maintained the way it should be.We have snow-clad mountains, but very few take up skiing.Most things are considered as leisure activities.
Life of a sportsmen is presented more like a struggle and less of his achievement. A profession that guarantees financial safety is what is discussed in most homes.
Most companies who provide educational allowance is strictly for school education and none of them encourage sports or arts specifically.
The costs of equipments and other facilities can be very high for middle class families that rules out the under privileged fully.A small example if you consider sports then comes protein supplements which are mostly imported and could be expensive for our players in comparison to their own.
Our players do not get to participate in all competitions just a few selected ones as the registration and travel costs are high.
Multinationals only sponsor famous sports rest are for the government to fund.
How can we forget “Politics” it has dominated almost all spheres of Indian sports. Discrimination on the basis of region at the time of selection is prevalent to all sports including cricket.
Nothing will change until we change our attitude. For these sports to attract sponsorship and private funding we need to promote them from school level.It should be given equal importance like academics.Schools need to adopt the holistic approach for the wellbeing of their children.When we start to acknowledge and appreciate is when we will see further change in the system.Transparency must be brought in the selection procedure. Government should reward deserving players with jobs and remuneration.
There are very few universities which provide sports quota in the higher eduction. Similar reservations must be made in universities too.
A state-level gold medal winner in athletics gets far less coverage in the media than a student scoring the first rank in boards or some competitive exam.
A player sweats himself like any other academic professional and his dedication should be acknowledged and respected not ignored by the nation.
Disclaimer – “Fun Post” written on the basis of stories and experiences from friends.
Is it better to be the eldest, youngest, or the middle child?
Everybody has a biased opinion towards it 😊
Birth order only explains a small part of who we are.The roles that we play in our growing up years makes us different from one another.
First Born-For parents it’s their first experience which makes them either
overprotective or extremely strict as they are under pressure to display their parenting skills.
First borns aka experiment child only have their parents as role models so they learn to lead and come across confident.Also the fact that they do not have older siblings to tease them or pick on them in their day to day activities gives them the additional confidence. They receive undivided attention till the time a new member comes in.They are forced to be a role model to their younger siblings and that can be a hidden pressure on them.For parents it becomes easy to put responsibility on them.
Middle Borns – They will be very different to the first borns.Their traits are the hardest to categorize.For them parental attention is always divided.They carry this perception that the older sibling is eligible to a lot of privileges and the youngest gets away with whatever he\she does.Hence they tend to grow up to be a negotiator.They are reliable and diplomatic by nature.They feel less pressured compared to the older sibling.They become more independent as they feel left out\overlooked\undervalued being the “sandwich kid”.
Youngest\Last born -The “baby” of the family.They are more social,fun-loving,relaxed and usually the risk takers too.The youngest kid many a times feels that he\she is not taken seriously in the house.They also get compared to their older siblings often.Being the youngest gives them some privileges like manipulating and shying away from responsibilities.They have more freedom compared to their siblings.Parents by then become more relaxed 😊.
Eldest,Middle,Youngest all have its own pros and cons –
Blessmesai 
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