Remembering you Papa ❤️

07/09/1999 💔

Today is my father’s 22nd death anniversary.He was 50 years old when he departed.No ailments at all.Left behind a 42 year old wife (today this age gives me goose bumps) and two children.

Year after year I have remembered him more and missed him even more.

Coincidentally it’s the same day of the week this year,Tuesday.

Many of you have been reading my messages every year and have been sending me hugs and strength from around the world.

It’s become more like a virtual Remembrance Day.

My writings on him is my way of celebrating his life.

He gave me the most priceless gift one could give ,”the trust in me”.

“Father” to me means love, respect, care, home,trust,support,sacrifices and much more. Only those who have a lost a parent will understand the real pain so keep calling them when you can.

We have never celebrated Father’s Day in my young years so never got to celebrate one with him.Now when I see people around calling their fathers or sending messages its painful and feels as if someone just punched me in my stomach.

My mobile has never saved his number.I don’t know how it feels when it rings as “Papa calling”.So no digital pictures or videos for me.I remember his voice clearly,still hear him call me sometimes,especially the days when I am messed up and need his advice.

That has been the cornerstone of our relationship.

When I see my friends or cousins talk to their fathers – have to admit,I get jealous at times.I just isolate myself to our world where we have the same conversations and start imagining his replies.

In the growing up years it’s normal to have disagreements with parents which sometimes convert to arguments.Now being a parent myself I realize that most times the stand I take matches with my fathers’.

It took me to become a parent to understand him better.

Papa,wish you stayed back and saw me graduate and grow

Wish you mentored me when I began working

Wish you stayed back,got me married and met my husband

Wish you saw my son who shares the sun sign with you

Wish you saw my daughter who is the reflection of my childhood

I miss you more now because you would have been the best grand parent they could ask for.If you were physically around, my children would not have missed out on so much that they are missing today.

You haven’t seen your grand children but they know you.They know that you are alive in my heart.

“They love you”.

You come naturally in their conversations (thatha- that’s how they address you).

That’s where I feel proud of myself -I have defeated the death and kept you alive.When we are having family conversations one can never make out that you are physically absent from our lives and kids haven’t ever met you.

Remembering you today is a great agony and this feeling just can’t be described in words.It opens up old wounds and rekindles memories.

We only lost you physically when you were cruelly taken away by a power we couldn’t fight.

Instead of getting caught in a whirlwind,I decided to hold myself and take charge of celebrating your life with my near and dear family\friends.

On this day when I lost you- I lost a father, a friend and an idol who I looked up to.Wish we knew the end was nearing, would have given you a memorable farewell.There was so much to ask you and tell you.You left us without uttering a word 😔.There were no Goodbyes.

Life can be a traitor!

Thankyou for all the memories we created together.

There is no manual to follow or a normal way to react to this.Each one has his own way to remember.

I promise to keep you alive in me till eternity.

Miss being with my mom today.Wish I could travel home and give her a tight hug🤗